


S-stutter

by Brynn_Jones



Category: Nero Wolfe - Rex Stout
Genre: Arguments, Gen, Humour, Interrogation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-09-21 05:48:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9534368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brynn_Jones/pseuds/Brynn_Jones
Summary: Archie tries to win a bet. He is also a little shit.





	

You may have already heard of lieutenant Rowcliffe and his tendency to stutter whenever he is nervous or stressed. You might have also heard that his stress level greatly increases every time he starts stuttering, which prompts further stuttering – it’s a vicious cycle. I have to admit that I was the cause for his discomfort more than once in my lifetime, and that is probably one of the main reasons he hates me. Well, the feelings are mutual.

Throughout the years, I have brought my ability to make him stutter to near perfection. The fastest I have ever been able to do it has been exactly one minute and six seconds. It happened about two months ago, when Rowcliffe decided it was a good idea to drag me down the stationhouse and interrogate me about a murder I knew nothing about. We sat together in the interrogation room, started asking me questions and then - as I said - a minute and six seconds did the charm.

I was so proud of my accomplishment that as soon as I saw my best friend Saul, I had to tell him all about it and add a few egoistic remarks on top of it. One of them being a rather confident statement that I would be able to make the lieutenant stutter in under a minute. Let us say that Saul will owe me fifteen bucks when I do it.

So when I was arrested and brought downtown this morning because of some B and E stuff as well as finding a dead body – again - all I had in mind was the bet.

"Good morning, Goodwin," Rowcliffe started

I did not look up. "Not for me."

"There's no need to be grumpy. It's not like you're arrested, is it?" he teased me.

I rolled my eyes. "Don't know what you're on about."

He shrugged nonchalantly. "Well, breaking and entering for the start."

"If you're talking about Rigsby, I'm out of it. I'd just popped in for a little chat."

The lieutenant sat down. "Sure, if that's what you say. But that doesn't change the fact, he's dead."

"I never said I wanted to change that. He wasn't a nice person."

"Stop trying to be witty, it doesn't suit you, Goodwin. It's known to be a weapon of the wise."

"Says the man who had to wait ten years for the promotion to lieutenant."

He frowned. I could tell his good mood was gone. "What were you doing in Rigsby's apartment, Goodwin?" he questioned.

"I told you, I dropped by for a chat and a cuppa tea."

He shook his head. "Don't lie to me, you stinker."

"Don't ask me questions then."

He took a deep breath. "Let me tell you what I think, ok? I think you went over there and you picked Rigsby’s lock to see if you could find something that would connect Rigsby to your client’s case."

I did not like the fact that he was right, but tried to hide my discomfort. "Really? And how do you know that?"

"A little bird told me," he said with a smug smile on his face.

I made a mental note to go bird hunting as soon as possible, but all I said was, "Even if that were true, you can't prove it."

His grin disappeared. "Dammit, Goodwin. This is a murder investigation, not a circus! Just answer my flaming questions."

I stared at him. "And what do you think I was doing all this time?"

"You were lying through your teeth the whole time!"

I smiled. "Yes, now I can see, why they didn't promote you sooner."

He growled. "You talk too much, Goodwin."

"Has anyone ever told you, that you have a certain ability to state the obvious?"

"For g-god's sake, Goodwin. You really d-don't know when to stop."

I quickly looked at my watch and cursed. It was exactly one minute and three seconds from the time Rowcliffe opened the door. I looked back at him and sighed. Maybe next time.


End file.
